If I had turned to secular council (or even some
Christian council for that matter) to gain self-esteem I would have been told that my
problem was I didn't "love myself" enough. The verse, "Love thy neighbor as
thyself" would have been pulled out and waved in front of me with long flowery
explanations about how Jesus wants us to have good self-esteem. The path to good
self-esteem is positive thinking and self affirmation. The prescription is to stand in
front of the mirror every morning and every night and say 25 times: "I am a worthy
person, I love myself, I am a worthy person, I love myself..." The only problem with
this mentality is it makes me a liar as well as a failure because, no matter how hard I
try or how many times I state otherwise, I don’t feel worthy and I don’t love
myself. This approach to self esteem is like handing someone a colorful band aide for
their brain cancer and telling them it will make the disease go away.
I don't think Jesus ever meant for his statement to be the
foundation of a self centered, ego boosting, self help movement. And yet volumes have been
spoken and written with this statement as the cornerstone of self improvement therapy.
Looking around the world today it does not appear that we need more self love. In fact,
the Bible warns, "in the end days men will be lovers of self." 2 Tim. 3: 1-2
True, most women I talk to have poor self esteem. But telling them they can change this by
chanting the self love mantra only causes more denial and despair. The woman who killed
her unborn child is not a worthy person. The woman who has led a promiscuous life-style is
not a worthy person. You the reader, if you are honest about your heart, are not a worthy
person. Nor am I.
So where does this leave us? Should we hate ourselves then?"
No. Because in reality this too is self centered. It is convoluted pride and our ego is
still at the center. Any time we are focused on ourselves, whether we are priding
ourselves or condemning ourselves, we are at the center of our focus. Even insecurities
are centered in self; "Do people like me? Are they impressed with me? What do they
think about me?" Notice the recurring word, "me." The goal of the Christian
is not to focus on self but rather to die to self.
The Bible says, "Present you bodies a living and holy
sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship." Romans
12:1 To the Jew, this passage had a much more graphic meaning than it does to us. To
understand it we need to know what was involved in a "sacrifice". The following
is the description of how a sacrifice was done as found in Lev. 17:11 After leading his
lamb to the north side of the altar, the priest killed the sacrificial animal by cutting
its throat. A priest stood by with a basin to catch the blood, "for the life of the
flesh is in the blood ... it is the blood that makes atonement." The priest cast this
lifeblood against the altar, signifying that the life belonged to God. The carcass was
then skinned and cut it into quarters, while the priest placed the wood on the altar fire.
The carcass and entrails were mixed with oil and spices and burned until it was completely
consumed. This ritual would be gruesome to Christians today. But to the Jew there was no
question as to the significance of this verse. A sacrifice required the death and total
consummation of the offering.
If we are to be "living and holy sacrifices" it requires
that something dies. What dies is our self. When anger, bitterness, hatred, insecurities,
jealousy, pride, hurt, lust, and the other sins of the heart motivate our actions, self is
central in our life. These feelings spring out of our human nature. They are natural,
normal human responses to life's hurts and disappointments. But, they separate us from
God. We could, like so many people, deny their existence in order to live up to the
Christian image, but this only results in repressing them. And, although we are repressing
them, we will express them at some point. "Out of the abundance of the heart the
mouth speaks." Matt. 10: 38 - 39 We may develop thicker walls and deeper pits to hide
these feelings in, but they will come oozing out when the right circumstance presents
itself.
Instead of denying and repressing these feelings, it is so much more
honest to acknowledge them and to lay them at the foot of the cross. And God can see over
the highest wall and into the deepest pit right into the center of our hearts anyway. Who
do we think we are fooling? When we admit to these feelings, admit to our defeat in
overcoming these feelings and offer them to God, we take self out of our focus and place
Christ in the center of our lives. We ask Him to heal our hurts and change our hearts. In
doing this self condemnation and self commendation are both eliminated. It's up to Christ
- not us. This way, we don't love or hate ourselves, we simply ACCEPT ourselves. We become
able to acknowledge and accept our strong points, our weak points, our foibles, our
fancies, our insecurities and everything else about us. Instead of striving to change
these things, we surrender them to God and allow Him to do the molding, changing and
shaping. I cannot tell you the freedom that results from this type of walk with the Lord.
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"
Romans 8:1 takes on a whole new meaning.
