Surrender is not a panacea to all of life's problems.
It is not a quick spiritual fix. It is a way of life. You never "arrive" at a
place of spiritual maturity. Spiritual maturity does not come from any accomplishments or
arrival but rather from a recognition of what we are and feel and our willingness to
surrender it. You have a point of beginning but never a point of ending. You simply become
more in tune to the Holy Spirit as He works in your heart. As you start surrendering your
honest motives and feelings it's like an onion being peeled. You think you're at a level
of truth and the Holy Spirit reveals more areas of deceit. If you walk in surrender long
enough you will hit head on with the issue of control.
Control comes in many forms. Some women are so obviously controlling
that people flee to escape their clutches. But just because a woman is not obvious it
doesn't mean she isn't controlling. The silent martyr, the meek manipulator, the
headstrong bully all have one goal - to control others. And control is about power. This
power is ultimately self serving as it protects the heart and meets ego needs.
I am controlling. It is in my nature. God has shown me through the
years just how important control is to me. Since I don't fit the normal description of a
controlling person, I was unaware it was there for a long time. I don't try to control my
physical environment. My area of control was with situations and relationships. I was
constantly determining the outcome of a relationship and then trying to force the
situation to bring about that outcome. I call it writing the end of the story. All of us
do it to some degree. And in some areas of life, such as the business world this is not
necessarily bad. We have to have a plan of action, goals and direction. But, what works in
the secular world can be destructive in the spiritual realm.
When we write the end of the story in spiritual matters we are
setting ourselves up for a fall. God first taught me this lesson in a very dramatic
manner. We had been taking unwed mothers in to our home for about a year. All of the young
women who came to us loved me! I was their surrogate mother and they basked in my love and
attention. Until Susan came. She hated me. I could do nothing right. My cooking was
terrible, my mothering a failure and she wanted nothing to do with me. Once when I tried
to comfort her by putting my arm around her she threw it off and hissed, "Don't you
EVER do that to me again." I wished I could say that Susan changed. But she left our
home as hateful as she came. It was I who did the changing. God showed me through this
experience that I had a "Savior complex". I had written the end to Susan's story
before she ever crossed our threshold. I would show her love and compassion and she would
change because of my actions. I expected her to perform to my specifications and when she
didn't I was angry and defensive. At that point God asked me, "Who are you doing this
for?" Ouch! I had to take an honest look at my motives. I came to the inescapable
conclusion that I was secure in my spirituality when I was receiving "warm
fuzzies." But I was hurt and angry when Susan had the nerve to not see me in the
noble role in which I had cast myself. I thought I was full of unconditional love. What I
had was a counterfeit version of unconditional love - my own. When I came against a very
unlovable young lady, my love was exposed for what it was - self serving. And so, I
surrendered that part of my heart and asked God to fill it with His unconditional love. I
was incapable of loving unconditionally.
In order to grow spiritually, we must quit writing the end of the
story. It takes real honesty to recognize when we are doing it. But, it happens in
friendships, romances, Christian relationships, spiritual pursuits, etc. We don't mean to
do it. We think our intentions are pure. But in reality, we set ourselves up for
disappointments when we write a script for God or others to follow. It is so much less
stressful and disappointing when we admit we don't know the end of the story and God is a
much better author anyway. As we yield our will to His we will be amazed at how the story
unfolds. He won't disappoint us because we didn't write a script for Him to follow - He
wrote it for us. It's like walking along a path God has prepared, not knowing the
destination but reveling in the beauty along the way!
The next time you meet someone who you would like to have as a
friend or who you would like to help, notice how often you start writing the end of the
story. It happens especially often when we, as Christians reach out to non-Christians. As
much as we hate to admit it, we see the whole scenario in our mind’s eye right from
the very beginning. First we help this poor, needy, sinful person. They respond with
gratitude. They then inquire about our faith which they see in our example. We share
Christ with them and they accept. They change their life-style, join the church (where
everyone knows it was our good deed that got them there) and live happily ever after. We
have just written the entire script for their life and they just met us!
But if they respond in a very human reaction of taking our offerings
and spitting in our face they have really let us down! Only then does the question rear
its ugly head - "Who did you do this for?". How much better it is to simply walk
in a path prepared by God and let Him change hearts? It means we must give up control. But
we also give up frustration, anxiety and disappointment when people fail our expectations.
The recipient of our attention also comes out ahead. They don't have to perform to an
unwritten script, they are simply accepted for who they are. Our gift is given without
strings and they are free to accept or reject it without incurring our anger and
disappointment. This runs totally contrary to the worldly wisdom but is the essence of a
surrendered and God centered heart.
