My daughter is now nine. I have been blessed to hear
two different counselors state that she has a remarkably positive self image and that she
is emotionally very healthy. God has healed her wounds as well as mine. My husband was
able to forgive very early in the process and I was really mad that God did that for him
while I was left flailing and hurting. But, in the end, it was through experiencing that
hurt that has allowed me to minister to so many other hurting women. When I share the
message of surrender they know that I am not giving them empty words or trite slogans. I
have experienced every mother's nightmare. Yet, I walk in His peace. He has taken my worst
and used it for His glory!
He has also used this experience to fight pornography. Peter's
exposure to pornography was the motivator of his actions. If I have anger, it is aimed at
an industry that thrives on the destruction of innocent lives. I have testified before
state committees about the reality of this "victimless" crime. I spoke in
Washington D.C. at the launching of Enough is Enough, a national campaign of to stop the
victimization of women and children through pornography. There at the press conference, I
saw hardened reporters from the major media with tears in their eyes as they heard my
story.
I now understand the meaning of the verse, "All things work to
good for those who love the Lord and are who are called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28 All that has happened God has worked for good. This doesn't mean the pain
wasn't real or the despair wasn't overwhelming at times. It doesn't negate the wrongness
of the action. It simply means that God can take the worst in our life and use it for His
glory and other's benefit. But first, we have to give it to Him.
I hope this message has stirred something in you. For some, it may
only serve as a clarification of what they already know. For others, it may be
overwhelming. Whatever the reaction, I invite you to make an honest assessment of your
heart before God. The following questions are not a test. You don’t pass or flunk.
They are only there to help you as you seek a closer walk with God and a more honest
relationship with yourself and others.
1. Imagine that your heart is a house. What is the inside like?
Do you harbor bitterness toward someone who has hurt you?
Do you have unforgiveness toward someone who has wronged you?
Do you have insecurities or feelings of inadequacy that keep your
focus on yourself?
Do you have a sin in your past for which you cannot forgive
yourself?
Be honest about these "sins of the heart" and quit hiding
them from God - He knows them anyway.
These are what He wants.
2. Can you think of areas in your spiritual life in which you strive
to become more spiritual?
Do you rank yourself on the "Spiritual Ladder of Success?
The closer you get to God, the more aware you are of your sinfulness
and the more abundant is His grace.
Get off the ladder and rest in your position as His beloved.
3. If God asked you if He could keep you exactly the way you are
right now, what would your response be?
What are the personality traits about yourself that you don’t
like and are trying to recreate?
Let God do the changing in you. Ask Him to shape, mold and fine tune
everything about you -
things you like and don’t like. Trust that He will do a much
better job than you in "improving you."
4. Do you look at other Christian women and are sure they are more
spiritual than you?
Do you have a spiritual alter-ego?
Surrender your desire to "measure" yourself against other
women. Surrender your alter-ego and any other
spiritual standard you impose upon yourself and walk in God’s
grace and guidance.
5. Are there areas in your life you have felt strong in overcoming,
only to have failed and fallen repeatedly?
Admit your weakness and surrender that to Christ so He can place HIS
strength in you.
6. Do you have spiritual successes of which your are proud? Do you
have spiritual failures for which you
condemn yourself?
Surrender your striving in spiritual matters and allow Christ to
fight your spiritual battles instead.
When He wins and the glory goes to Him.
7. Do you ever "write the end of the story" in
relationships with people or with God? Do you have areas you need
to control that block God from working out His will because you
impose yours?
As you recognize these during the course of a day, surrender them to
Christ and ask that He increase your
faith and trust in His results.
8. Are there any activities that you perform that you are offering
to God, hoping to garner His favor or impress
Him with your performance? Is there anything that you do that causes
you to pray like the Pharisee - asking God to look at it and count you worthy?
You don’t have to quit your Christian activities. Ask God to
place in you the heart of the Publican,
understanding that we have nothing to offer God of our own. We are
not worthy except through Christ. Our righteousness is found in our willingness to die to
self, which allows Christ to grow in us.
If any of these questions apply to you, you might feel a need to
surrender something specific in your life to Christ. I have shared this message with so
many wounded women over the years and, at the end, they are anxious to surrender, but
don’t quite know how. There is no magic solution or specific words that works.
Remember - God sees the heart. But, if you feel a need to surrender and don’t know
where to start, this is what I do myself and share with others.
I ask women to close their eyes and see Christ hanging on the cross.
As they approach Him, in their mind’s eye they see him looking down with intense love
in His eyes. I then ask them to cup their hands in front of them and take out those
feelings they have been harboring. They place those feelings in their cupped hands and
look at them for all of their ugliness. With this done I lead them in this prayer:
"Dear Jesus, I feel__________. I am incapable of overcoming
this feeling. Forgive me for my sin of harboring this feeling. I give it up and surrender
it to you. This is all I have to offer you. Please replace my heart with your heart."
When you start praying this prayer, you might notice that your
feelings become more intense. This is because Satan knows his stronghold on your heart is
being threatened. Each time the thoughts pop into your mind, you have the choice. You can
entertain them or surrender them. If you choose to surrender them, you will be giving the
battle over to the Lord. After awhile, you will notice they do not bother you as much.
Then, as you continue to lay them down the issue will quietly become a non-issue in your
life. When this prayer becomes a way of life, God's grace is poured out. When you
acknowledge your total helplessness to overcome any sin of the heart and cast yourself on
the mercy of God to change your heart, you enter into the realm of God's wonderful,
healing, comforting, anointing Grace. Grace no longer is the brass ring you get as a
reward for striving but becomes a dynamic force in your life.
Instead of a one time prayer, make this your life long prayer. Every
time the Holy Spirit shows you something in your heart take it out and "look at
it." Sometimes they are small things - they are easy to surrender. Sometimes they are
very deep wounds - they are not as easy to let go of. I’m not saying it is easy. It
can be extremely painful to finally admit something you have been running from all of your
life. But the pain is essential for growth.
It's like a wound in the flesh that heals on the surface only.
Underneath the infection is growing. The only way to heal the wound is to open it and that
is painful. Yet once the puss is out the wound starts to heal from the inside out. Even
the scab drops away and leaves only a faint scar. The scar is a subtle reminder, not of
the pain, but of the healing.
So it is with our hearts. Through that pain, God heals hearts from
the inside out. The subsequent peace and assurance of our position in God’s love more
than makes up for the pain!
If what I have learned through my pain helps even one woman find
healing from life’s wounds and find freedom in Christ , I will feel that my trials
have been turned into God’s triumph and will rejoice!
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