How the Girl Views You
Most of the girls who come to us are from broken homes. The word
"family" to them does not bring to mind a cozy picture of mom, dad and the kids
in front of the fireplace. In fact, many of the girls have a negative concept of family.
One girl related to us that Christmas Day was the worst day of the year for her. When all
her family was together, it always resulted in fighting and arguing. She dreaded it. In
coming into our family, the girls do not immediately see themselves as part of it. Many
have deep wounds from the past and most are suspicious of a seemingly ideal situation.
They wait for the facade to come down. As time passes and a relationship of trust
develops, the girls finally begin to see themselves as belonging. For some it happens in
weeks, for others in months, and for a few it never happens.
Being a member of a family is sometimes difficult for a girl,
especially if the values and foundations of family commitment are foreign to her. We have
found, however, that most girls have the desire to be considered part of a working group.
Because of this, they are willing to conform to family rules and values in order to
maintain this status.
How You View Yourself
So far we have addressed the need for the girl to be accepted into
the family. This concept, however, can only be effective if the shepherding family itself
is functioning properly. If there are already problems in the home, taking in a pregnant
girl will only intensify them. If you are considering becoming a shepherding home, you
should honestly evaluate the condition of your own family. The following questions will
help you make that evaluation.
1. Do you see indications from your spouse or your children that you
are already overcommitted to church work, your career or outside interests?
2. Do you and your spouse often disagree because your values or
priorities differ?
3. Are conflicts among family members often resolved in open and
disruptive arguments?
4. Do you have a teenage daughter who is rebellious or experiencing
problems coping during this period of her life? If you have a son in his early teens, you
should only consider women twenty-one or older. If he is in his later teens (15-19), we do
not recommend becoming a shepherding home at all.
5. Do you have a child who is experiencing emotional difficulties
that would require extra attention from you?
6. Are you already feeling stress due to your financial situation?
(Family finance is the number one cause of stress in American families.)
7. Are you or your spouse trying to fill some psychological need by
taking in another to help?
If you answered "yes" to any of the above, it does not
mean that you are automatically unsuitable for serving as a shepherding family. However,
it does indicate problems that would only be intensified by adding a non-member to your
family. If you could honestly answer "no" to the questions, then it is possible
that you are well suited. There are, of course, many variables that we cannot anticipate.
You must be the final judge.
